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Animal Power Squad

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Hello Livejournal! Sep. 5th, 2012 @ 08:43 am
Do I even still have friends on this thing? I recently thought about starting up a journal again, because I've been having some trouble narrowing down my thoughts in the chaos of moving again, starting yet another new job, and I suppose just the general disarray that living in a foreign country brings you.

I tell myself that I prefer the physical journal, there's something more emotional about it to me. Maybe I find it to be more raw? As if somehow pouring your thoughts onto paper is more emotionally rewarding than doing it onto the white oblibion of digital ether. In practice however, I am far less likely to attend to a physical journal than I am an electronic journal or blog, and the gratification of friends commenting is a major reason for that. I can't excuse the convenience either; I don't enjoy bringing a journal everywhere I go.

I probably sacrifice honesty doing it this way, though. My blogs are generally desperate cries for admiration so I'm rarely going to put down something honest like "today I ate too much kimchi and spent three solid hours passing liquid through my anus". Enjoy that image, internet.

Another advantage to physical journals is how I tend to write them. I don't address the journal itself as if it is a sentient entity as they are stereotypically written. Rather, I assume that at some point humanity or at least society will fall, and that my journal is possibly being rediscovered by some future archaeologist from the ruins of the city. This is a fun exercise for me, and it doesn't work for me on the internet.

The Meaning of Life May. 11th, 2007 @ 06:22 am

What is the meaning of life?

I walk around a lot, being sans car its really my only option, and while I'm walking I have a lot of time to ponder this question. Of course, more often than not I still dont take the time to. Honestly, who cares? As if something as expansive as life ought to have one all-encompassing meaning anyway. I can pretty much guarantee that my meaning of life is a hell of a lot different than most peoples.

Of course, I do take the time to consider things about life in general. Not necessarily philisophical gems, but something nonetheless.

1) In a relationship, a man should strive to be as a Rhinoceros.

The thing about the rhino is that it doesnt have to do anything but be a rhino, and we are impressed by it. Its never around, but when we see it, we are impressed because it is mysterious and foreign. We will continue to think so, so long as the rhinoceros remains a mystery, no matter how big of a dickwad the Rhino actually is.

2) In a relationship, women ought to realize they do not actually want to have sex with a Rhinoceros.

Take this literally or figuratively, ladies, but always in application to the first law.

3) Getting an A in Astronomy does not mean you have to switch majors and move to Montana to work on your doctorate.

Still, it would be nice if I could see a single god damn star at night. 

4) Pornography does not adequately supplement true love.

It does, however, make for a fine friday night.

5) No one knows anything about anything.

Seriously. We're all just talking out of our collective asses. If we were a collective, like the Borg or some such, basically all we'd assimilate would be factoids about Paris Hilton that were largely fictional. I heard someone say something profound once, but it turned out they were just quoting Yoda.

6) If someone asks you what you would wish for if you had three wishes, never answer them honestly.

I don't see why wanting to have a meaningful relationship with a pair of ridiculously hot twins is such a big deal. CALM DOWN PEOPLE.  (The next two wishes were marginally worse.)

7) In a relationship, its better overall if neither of you are wearing the pants.

Pretty self explanatory really.

8) Wal-mart is the perfect location for all of your zombie-fighting needs.

Seriously, they sell guns, axes, food... the place is pretty amazing.

9) Wikipedia absorbs more of a person's attention than it ought to.

Hawking has a theory relatiing wikipedia to singularities. 

10) If the devil doesn't pop up whenever you volunteer to sell your soul, he probably already has it.

I drew up the necessary blood-inked paperwork just in case.

11) No one is sure when it happens, but there is some sort of quatum time loop that causes people to forget how bad the past sucked and start referring to it as "the good ol' days".

Seriously. You childhood sucked. Stop pretending.

12) All the good superpowers are owned by major corporations.

Its damn near impossible to write a comic book about the Incredible Tube Sock Man. 

13) Comic books are even less adequate than porn for replacing relationships.

Sorry Deadpool. 

14) If you delete your entire hard drive every time you hear police sirens, this is a good sign you ought to rethink your internet useage.

The girls on those sites may have been legal, but what they were doing with those Rhinos was most certainly not.

15) Peoples opinions sound more reasonable when you're attracted to them.

She told me that Cabaret was good, and for some reason I believed her.

16) The Hulk is real, and he rampages around Tampa wrecking shit. (The destruction list keeps growing.)

Tampa natives have no idea what the fuck that guys problem is.

17) America will fall fighting an endless number of Chinese infantry, and end up ruled over by giant bipedal Japanese mecha.

I am plagued by visions of the future, I can see that guy from G Gundam crushing the White House while he takes thirty minutes to shout a move. (On a side, not, Im not sure why the Chinese and Japanese teamed up in my vision. Sounds sort of uncharacteristic.)

18) If you learn Mandarin because you figure 800 million speak it, you will never run into any of them.

Fuck.

19) You will reach a point in your life when you no longer understand the music of Now.

Mine was four years ago.

20) Liking Mandy Moore will get your ass kicked by twelve year old girls.

Shins bruise easily.

Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Jem

Mar. 7th, 2006 @ 12:12 am
I suck at life.

A lot of other things too, actually, but life in particular.

My dad thinks I'm gay again. I told him I was hanging out with someone, and accidentally let that person's gender preference slip... Now I am "turning gay", apparently.

So, I now have to endure his constant inquiries as to whether or not I have a girlfriend.

I don't really want or deserve a girlfriend at this point in my life. Sorry, pops... I got my reasons.

Onto other things.

Ashley! I hope you are doing well in Japan. We miss you a lot over here, and you're kitties wont stop meowing at me all the time. Come back home an' make them stop!

Graham! I don't know if you still check livejournals, but when are you gonna be in Florida next? I've got a Spring Break coming up real soon an' Ill be in Port Orange this weekend. Drop me a line you greasy bastard!

Kristak! You are a pirate.

Dec. 8th, 2005 @ 10:24 pm
To anyone who cares:

I will be home next week for a few days. Home as in, I will be in Daytona. So, umm, look for me there. 3867631140.

Thats me! Ill be shooting for the 17th, or even the 16th, with any luck.

Dec. 4th, 2005 @ 04:56 am
Dear Rachel...

TiVo is a jerk.

I told it to tape, and it neglected to comply. However, I am pretty sure they play a repeat of the previous Saturday's SNL on the following Saturday. I will get it then.
Other entries
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Good morning, world.

It is I, Alan Kouns, and I come with a trace amount of insanity.

I have been home-working all day. I am not complaining, because I am enjoying it. I am however... hungry.
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What the fuck is up, bitches?

Two midterms are done and over with. I can only hope I scored as well as I think I did on them both. I have lately been thinking about majoring in Religion. I seem to be performing admirably in the field right now...

We shall see. In the meantime, I ought to consider short term goals. Like how I am gonna pay for next semester.

I have been given a bit of advice about how it is best to pursue women from a variety of people. Most everyone agrees that the best way is for a man to simply ignore a woman. If you ignore her, she'll wonder whats wrong with her and try even harder to get your attention.

This sounds like a load of crap to me. It works, though, which is the sad part. I dont want the sort of woman who won't ever be satisfied unless she's unhappy.
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Holy crap, I dont have any idea what I wanna do with my life. I wake up every morning and try to think really short term. Like, "what am I gonna eat today so I dont starve?" Then I go to class and pay close attention so I dont fail quizzes/tests and try very hard to keep up with my reading despite my past nature of letting school work lie.

Anyhow.

About the concert... MSI was pretty awesome. Within the first three seconds of them coming to the stage the fans were in an uproar, and soon everyone was pressed against one another jumping and moshing, dancing and screaming... Three seconds after that my clothes and skin were drenched in the sweat of other people and my own. It was awesome. I was elbowed in the nose twice by some girl sitting on her boyfriends shoulders. This was less awesome.

By the way, ladies, it isnt ever cute to sit on your boyfriends shoulders. Everyone else has to look around you and your boyfriend probably isnt as strong as you think he is. And if you do happen to perch up there, try to pay attention to the guy who's field of vision you cut off and try not pound him in the face.

I expected to be hurt, but intentionally. It isnt cool to get beat down by a girl who doesnt even know she's doing it.

Another thing. If you are over 140 pounds DO NOT TRY TO CROWD surf. The fans of MSI are skinny goth kids and CANNOT lift you. My glasses were reduced to oblivion from the foot of a heft crowd-surfing girl.

The concert itself was awesome.
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Tonight my roommates and Richard are taking me to see Mindless Self Indulgence.

I have been told there will be moshing and drunken people. It will be a first for me.

Also, I was asked recently if I've met any sexy ladies yet. The answer is yes. I have met many women, the majority of whom have been lesbians. Apparently, most people seem to think I am a professor in my late 30's. I might start playing this off. Maybe some women like older men who turn out to be younger men.
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I present to you life's greatest question:

If the Hulk and Godzilla got into a fight, who would emerge victorious?
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